Or how about not.

Our genius Commander-in-Chief has, in all his infinite wisdom, decided to support the extension of several provisions of the USA PATRIOT ACT, including illegal wiretapping and the infamous “national security letters” that compel businesses to hand over records to the feds, and then impose a blanket gag order on the very mention of said letters.

The PATRIOT ACT has been a giant shit stain on the Constitution from day one.  It has always been unconstitutional, bad law at best, and insidious police state machinery at worst.  It was enacted by manipulative politicians who capitalized on the politics of fear in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, in order to extend federal power into whole new areas of our lives.

What I find most striking is how the Great Leader’s repeated campaign promises to break with old school politics and bring “change” to Washington were dropped and forgotten as soon as he finished reciting the oath of office.  The Bush administration did plenty of damage to our nation’s civil liberties and international image, and much change is needed.  Instead of implementing that change and moving forward in a positive direction, President Obama has slipped comfortably into the culture of slimy deal-making and political fear-mongering that dominate the post-9/11 debate on national security.  This is not only a wasted opportunity, but an epic failure of a politician who once embodied the promise of a new direction.

Hello dear malcontent readers.  I realize I haven’t been blogging nearly as frequently as is my custom.  I have 30 things draining a little bit of my attention each day instead of five things I’m really focused on.  Time for some spring cleaning.

Now, on to the pressing matter of the ongoing erosion of your privacy.  Here are some things I’ve seen the media blather about recently that I think you should be aware of:

* First the passports, now our driver’s licenses?  Some state gubmints want to put RFID chips into our licenses.  This would mean anyone with access to Google, $40, Radio Shack and a nefarious streak could intercept your license information, including number, DOB, digitized picture, et al.  More advances in the name of “security”.

* Our friends at the TSA want you to know they watching, always watching.

For the past 13 months, “behavior-detection officers” have been walking the airport’s terminal and concourses, observing people’s faces, mannerisms and even to whom they speak while passing the time at their gate. The program is called SPOT, Screening of Passengers by Observation Technique.

…

TSA officers don’t have arrest authority and can’t compel passengers to answer questions or submit to searches. However, those who don’t agree to the search are not permitted to board their plane, TSA spokesman Jon Allen said.

Note that last part: TSA employees (they are not officers) lack authority to compel you to speak to them.  These people are nothing more than a power-tripping joke, and should be treated as such if they confront you in an airport.  (Outside of an airport may I suggest a kick in the balls).  I recommend either ignoring them completely or telling them they can ask you questions through a real law enforcement officer.  Most airport cops have a very low opinion of TSA’ers and know what a farce their organization and methods are.

That’s it for now.  Stay tuned for some exciting additions to the world of Malcontent, including some upcoming columns with expert (and free) travel advice from your resident blogger/jet-setter.

And we come to the final installment of brilliant ideas for our new president.  We’ll keep this brief; it’s Friday and your blogger is ill and irritable.

My final advice, Mr. President, is to show some respect for the Constitution and Bill of Rights.  It’s easy to get sucked into the trappings and enormous power of the institution of the Presidency, but you must fight the currents that pull you in all directions.  Stay a steady course, beholden to only one special interest: the rule of law.

1.  Don’t shut out people who don’t agree with you.

2.  Remember that guns are not the problem.  Criminality is.

3.  Don’t just keep your soldiers out of my house.  Keep them from being used illegally in the United States.

4.  See previous advice on warrantless wiretapping, illegal searches and the TSA.

5.  Appoint Supreme Court justices who aren’t batshit crazy.

6.  Two words:  Guantanamo Bay.  I see you’re already on that.  Well done.

7.  See #6.

8.  What I find cruel and unusual is that Bernie Madoff still has any semblance of freedom.  Lock that fucker up.

9. & 10.  Never forget the hierarchy of power here:  people, several states, United States.  We’ve had that ass-backward since the 1930s and it’s time we remembered that the individual is the sovereign, not the federal government.

That is all, Mr. President.  See you at the ballot box in just under four years.  In the meantime, I’ll be watching.

Next week, back to our regularly scheduled hilarity and stupidity.  First thing Monday we’ll dive in to answer the vexing question of Wolf Blitzer’s origins: Human or Ewok?